LOVE

She was little.

A baby in fact & she had no idea what the future held for her.


She was loved.

She was cradled.

She was a gift to them.


They were parents with hopes & dreams for their young child.


They were given a chance to love a child that was not from them but for them.


She grew, and became a young child.

She was their world.

They held her, & fulfilled her childhood wishes.


They wanted more love.

So there was another child, who was like the 1st.

A gift from someone else.


Now the family was four.

Things changed.

The second child needed more attention, love, cuddles, & hope.

But she didn't notice.

Her life changed, but not in her young mind.


They still loved her, however with more conditions.

They still fulfilled her wishes, like candy, but with bribery instead.


Their second was demanding.

The second was sick.

The second cried all the time.


She was still so young that she didn't notice the change.

The atmosphere was different.

She just kept playing with her toys, not realizing it was going to be different soon.


They kept their lives simple.

Church.

School.

Work.

And always the second.


She moved into the beginning of school.

She made friends.

She started to have a taste of independence.


The needy child was left at home with them, as she went off to school.


Things became a little more clear as she moved forward with her youth.

Insecure.

Unsure.

Not heard.


Only ever wanting a place to fit in at home or with friends.

Always feeling unwanted in both.


The lying started in search of a place to belong.

No longer did they love her with the same wishes & dreams.


It was always a feeling of letting them down.

Not being good enough.

In trouble & not like the other.


The family of four wanted one more.

This time the gift came in a form of a young child & not the babies of before.


Now they were five.


Their attention was always on the sick one, or the new one.


Things changed more.


This time she noticed.

This time she felt replaced.

This time the love changed.


She liked the new one.

He was a kindred spirit.

But he came with his own issues which caused them to dote on him more.


Between the two younger ones, she got missed.

She was 'strong'.

She was 'able'.

She didn't 'need' them the same way.


The adolescent showed up.


She didn't know how to cope.

She still struggled with insecurity.

She lied all the time.

She was only loved with a but.


She wanted to be strong.

She wanted to have her dreams.

She wanted to be beautiful.

She wanted to have love.


These were not her.


She was not strong.

She told lies for others to like her.


She did have dreams.

They told her they were not realistic.


She wasn't beautiful.

And they did nothing to change that.


She didn't have love.

There was no self worth within herself.

There was no building her up from them.

There was love with conditions.


She began to realize that others lives were different.

She noticed friends having a love for their own family.

She understood that not everyone's life was shaped like hers.


But she continued to crave their re-enforcement.

Their encouragement.

Their Love.


Her life changed more & more the older she got.


The other two always needed something.

The other two always got the need too.


The other two were the people they could mold.


She fought against them & her mind.

She didn't want to be molded.

But she wanted their love.


She was always a failure.

And they told her.


She always was searching for their approval.

And she didn't get it.


She always wanted their love.

And she didn't receive it.


Instead of building her up.

They tore her down.


Instead of accepting her.

They diminished her.


Instead of cultivating her to be her own person.

They tried to make her, their version.


The enmity began.


It was always her to blame.


She could not be what they wanted.

She could not be what they constructed.

She could not be heard & only seen.

She could not have her dreams.

She could not make them happy.

She did not need them enough.

She was not what they wanted.


They wanted her to live their life of their choosing.

They wanted her to be quiet & not have her own thoughts.

They wanted her to do what they wanted her to do.


They forgot she came with her own personality.

They forgot that this gift was entrusted to them.

They forgot that she was a gift for them to love & grow.


She realized that she would never be what they expected.


She left.


She went to find herself.


She went to have her dreams.


She was going to be her own person.


She struggled through those years.

Both because of them.

And because of her choices.


It took years.


But...


She found love. An unconditional love.

She found self esteem.

She found her tribe.


She lost them.

They choose to not ever accept her.

They choose to not know the person she has become.

They choose to emotionally beat her down.

They choose to mentally destroy her.

They choose to lose.


She has found drive.

She has found life.

She has found love.


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