And Some Days Are Bad!

Some days are just those ones where nothing seems to go the way you anticipated.

That has been the last few for me.

You know I battle with some mild depression & I feel these last few days it has been knocking on my door.

There are always the normal culprits that make me a little more anxious than others.

Like, the monthly visitor or the rain of June.

These both play into it in the worst way.

I know that they are factors, & therefore I do my best at curbing the sads.

However, back to my !st line! There are those days.....

So yesterday was one of those.

I have been looking for a job for ages (2years +) & ended up getting one just as the province was shut down. So basically the email said that the position was mine & that being that they have closed the office due to the Covid-19. They would be in contact with me as soon as they can to inform me of my start date.

Excited was nothing short of how I felt.

It would have been a job that I could apply some of my education & would be surrounded with people.

Both things which made me super happy.

So I patiently waited these last 2.5 months to hear when I would start.

In the meantime I have been collecting the payments from the Federal Government as I was going to be working & after chatting with our accountant, he said it should be fine.

Then a couple of weeks ago, I went to this company's homepage & was sniffing around looking at all sorts of things.

Kind of a refresher of who they are & what they do.

That is where I saw the job posting for the position I applied for still up on their careers section.

I mean I totally was like 'okay, well they haven't pulled it down yet'.

Then I thought that was a little more odd, so I went ahead & emailed my contact. The one who offered the job.

I heard nothing back for a little & just again chalked it up to the Covid world.

Yesterday I got an email back.

They had decided to hire another person for the role during the pandemic shut down & that they will not need me.

The email was of course apologetic & very polite.

However, no reason was given.

No idea why they decided to offer the job to me, but keep looking for another person.

I mean, I can guess.

I asked for more money & with all these lay offs they could likely get someone for less (as it was a non profit foundation).

I can justify it.

I really can.

Maybe I wasn't a good fit.

Maybe it was money.

Maybe they changed the position.

However, I cannot deny that my feelings were hurt.

Why couldn't they tell me sooner too?

There is no recourse for me as they did not have me fill out any paperwork, no hire package, just an email.

There is nothing I can do.

Here is the kicker!

I took those payments from the government thinking I was working after all this & now WHAT?

They have been talking about people taking the money fraudulently & now am I going to be one of those?

UGH! What a day!

It doesn't bode well for my mind.

I have to figure out what to do from all of this.

I am maybe in an okay position as my old job that I was casual with would more than willingly write a letter stating that I was let go because of the crisis however, there is no way I was making the amount that the Federals are paying out.

So that is the next question......

Do I continue on taking the dollars? or do I leave it?

And most of all because I am feeling a little blue today it has consumed my thoughts.

I cannot think of nothing else.

For those of you that know me.....I am the worst at getting a job.


I mean I am great in interviews.

I have a spicy (nice) resume.

I have tons of experience doing all sorts of things.

I am personable & super social.

I work hard & am dedicated.

But I have HORRIBLE luck finding a job.

So what do I do??

I guess keep on applying.

I do not collect any more Covid Pay.

I continue to do this in hopes this helps with opening doors.

This I have said before: This is the best type of therapy anyone can ask for.

Thanks to you all who take a little time in reading my personal plights.

This is what makes me happy!




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The Karen