Things that make you go hmmmmmmm!
It had been a tough week here for me.
(A little disclaimer!)
When I say tough I do not mean that I am stressed out to the nines that I have shut down. Or that I am calling on all my companions of the world to reach out (although I love it when you do)!
What I am saying is that something has been on the brain for awhile now & it is about time I talk about it.
As a lot of people have experienced with the world of Covid, I got 'let go' from the job that I worked at in March.
So I in the meantime, look for work & I dedicate a whole lotta time doing this.
I will be super honest in saying if I could only ever write again for a job, I WOULD DO IT!!!
But reality is that I don't think that is going to happen at this very moment.
Sooooo????? I have to get back into the grind of working I guess.
Here is the thing.
I apply for jobs, got a ton of experiences, but I never ever get any call backs for interviews.
The other thing is that when I do get the chance to interview (which they generally go really well cause I got a ton of personality) they do not offer me the position.
What do I do?
Is it Career or Contentment??
I love writing!
Absolutely love it.
The Contentment of writing gives me a deep sense of self worth.
It gives me a wonderful sense of accomplishment.
It allows me a voice where no one else talks over me.
I have therapy every single time I write a blog no matter what it is about.
But even though I love it immensely, it is also a very solitary life.
I am alone almost everyday for 6 hours.
If you know me, I am very outgoing & it almost slays me being alone for that long 5 days a week. Geez, my cat is almost my best friend.
However, deep in my bones I know this is what I was meant to do.
There is the affordability of life.
A Career is something that gives you the ability to go have fun, buy clothes you desire, travel & have adventures.
Who doesn't want those?
I love new clothes, shopping in any form & traveling, but with no career & no income that ain't happening here.
A Career would give me a chance to socialize, be out there with the people. It would gift me a world of what us outgoing people love; being around others.
Downfall to a career is that writing gets placed on the backburner & becomes a 'when I have time' kind of thing.
Also other items I enjoy throughout the day get pushed aside to accommodate the dolla bills, y’all!
So how do you pick?
Career or Contentment?
Adulting sometimes sucks.
Sure we have enough to pay our bills & to enjoy a few little treats. But I would like a little more than that & have enough to do fun adventures, or even a special treat.
So torn between the 2!
People always say 'God has a plan'!
I HATE this saying. Sure he has a plan, but what exactly is that plan!
I mean, Hello God I am sitting here writing this hoping to do something like this for the rest of my life all while getting an income to do it & God is all like 'shhh it will all be revealed when it is time'.
Yeah (eye roll) okay!
So it is about getting the money to live a pretty nice life or sacrifice it for having that sense of happiness every single day that I get to write.
How do you even pick?
There are also those people who are like 'You can do Both'.
I don't think I would be complaining if I could do both!
Let's be honest, something would have to be sacrificed, either writing or working!.
Maybe the exercise I need to feel sane would be tossed to the wayside too.
How do you pick?
One feeds my soul & the other feeds my personality.
Let's dig a little deeper into this for a second.
How am I even going to get a career??
Everyone (not everyone but I want to exaggerate) is looking for work here in Alberta. So when I apply for a job it is no word of a lie me & 1000+ other people applying for that same position.
Okay, now I will be a little more rational.
I have applied for so many jobs over the last little bit that it is to the point that it is slowly tormenting my happiness. In fact it gave me a whole lotta sads.
Another reason to be in therapy for sure!
But realistically if you apply the God has a plan saying, I am still waiting on the plan cause other than writing, I am on a repeat Fall 2019.
So what to do??
This dilemma is one that is weighing on my mind.
I spend one day a week applying for jobs for 6 hours.
I spend 3 days a week writing for my blog.
I spend the rest living Just Another Manic Funday.... cause there ain't much else to do!
Basically my dear readers are that we all struggle with choices & decisions. Honestly this one has been tough for a bit & I am still waiting on the right choice for me.
In the meantime, I will continue to write & will continue to apply for jobs, & I guess I just wait & see what will possibly come from all of it.
Don't worry friends, if you got something that is weighing you down.
'God has a Plan'.