This one we know is no lie!
I want to admit something that is likely more embarrassing & or vulnerable than anything I have ever written.
I Belch, I Fart & I Shit!
YES I DO!
I am not sure where it all stemmed from the whole women don't do this, but really we do, & we just don't talk about it.
Let's get real here for a bit!
Men have for centuries been able to fart, to belch & do their potty time with no judgement.
It is almost for some men a whole right of passage.
'Oh how funny little baby Johnny had a big fart.' Usually followed by a huge laugh.
The burping thing these guys have gotten for years. The moment they crawl out of the babybox, we are 'burping' them. It really just grows from there.
And the POOP! Well there is something about 'their' personal time with the toilet that has them all excited to sit there on the phones or reading all while taking their time with the porcelain throne.
I am proclaiming to the world that I do indeed also do some of the above.
In fact most women do whether they want to admit it or not!!
I will start admitting it for all of us women!
When I 1st started dating my husband, years & years ago. We went to McDonald's for a quick work lunch break. Remember those old school plastic benches that you sat at? One side was a long plastic bench seat & the other side was the swaying chair? So I was sitting on the bench while my then 'date' (future spouse) grabbed our food. Once he got to the table he sat on the chair & we began to eat.
Side Note or Suspense Building Moment!
Now growing up we were prim & proper gals. None of this shit (no pun intended). You kept it to yourself & did not share with the world what was going on with the gas within you!
Back to the Tale!
So thinking I was safe to let the gas that had built up out, I crocked my leg & tilted ever so slightly to my right. Except, I was a perfect height from the plastic bench that the sound that came out was loud & reverberated the whole bench. LOUD! I tell you & it basically shook the whole bench. I tried really hard to pretend that did not happen, & let's just say my future Hubby could not control his laughter.
From that day forward, I have admitted that I release a sometimes foul smell from my butt! I say sometimes, cause not everytime do you need to plug your nose.
Yes People I FART!
I think the difference between me & the guys living in my house is that I am not a social flaunter of gas. I will release it if I have to, but I do not need to make a big deal about it or have a laughing spell from the sound of it. I am no longer ashamed, but I do not need to hurt other people with my 'smell like roses' like stench.
If we burped in my house growing up, it was an automatic 'Excuse me' with no laughter or show.
This house however IS NOT THE SAME!
My husband is the burper of all burpers.
So the kids obviously have grown up to be the same.
I am not absolved by this either.
Some family rules when it comes to burping.
You are allowed to belch at our table at home without saying excuse me.
If there is a guest then you must try your best to pardon yourself.
If we are out, then YOU are required to excuse yourself after the burp & even apologize if it is too much for the company you are with.
There was this time we were at a church function, which just happened to be in a gym & I did the burp from Elf (the movie). It was LOUD, LONG & if I am super honest (which I am) it was EPIC! My friend on the other end of the gym was amazed that it was me & that he could clearly hear it. I absolutely excused myself & really there were a couple of ladies that were close to me that if I could recreate their look of disgust I would. They were offended even with the excuse me & the looks I got that day, just justified what I meant; the ladies of the world just DON'T DO THAT!
I sure ass did & OH well, suck it if you can't handle that we all have these bodily functions.
Basically ladies, own the expel sound that comes from your body!
Thank goodness for that Pile of Poop emoji!
I think this has introduced a younger female generation to 'Women do SHIT'!
I am not a, take your time while you legs go numb sitting on the toilet kinds of pooper. I like to just get the job done & be finished with it.
I got no story to tell about this one sorry folks.
Just a normal Poopie kind of person. Nothing that will make anyone gag!
I just want to encourage all women to embrace what your bowels are supposed to do & admit that you POOP!
Here is the thing!
I am not sure why we all have to be pristine & pretty.
I think it is time for all women in the world (maybe not the boomers it is such a big deal for them) to be allowed to be like one of the guys!
I want to be able to be like this in public without being scorned.
There is very little difference between what a man can do versus a woman.
So why do we create a divide in this too!
I hope this achieved an eye roll & hopefully some giggles as you have read this because everybody needs a story or 2 that can make you shake your head & or laugh.
I do honestly believe that we can change the outlook of the 'women do not do this'! But I totally got you if you are not there yet or ready to embrace the truth of You, Me, Us as Women!
No hard feelings, you eventually will!
Coffee in one Hand; Confidence in the Other!
I got both today!
Just Another Manic FUNDAY!