A Puppy is Cute!
A cat video is Cute!
A snuggled up baby is cute!
A woman is cute?
Take a quick second to think about how this may quite possibly be a degrading term.
I went out for dinner with a old friend recently (yes we met the social guidelines as she lives alone) & we got to talking about how hard it is for her to find a guy in the world at her age. She continued with how everyone always says to her 'well you're just so cute, how come you can't find a guy'.
Now there are many reasons why she is not in a relationship, but what we hyper focused on during that conversation was the ‘cute’.
She asked me if I get that statement in life.
And I certainly do!
I was, along with my friend above, never the 'hot' girl. I mean let's be realistic here, none of us really are.
But, the problem with the ‘well you’re just so cute’ statement is how we are told to perceive ourselves.
So why do we allow it?
I get that self image is an issue here & if you don't have any then either compliment might be hard for you to believe. But if you do have self esteem how do you accept cute versus hot?
I knew from early on that I was not a 'hot' gal, I was cute.
In fact on my 1st date with my future husband I said to him; "Hot girls, you take home & sleep with once. Cute girls you keep forever & I am cute."
But why can't I be Hot?
Why can't my friend above?
Why can't we all?
I think part of this is due to the perception that money makes you better looking than the rest. I also think that part of the reason is that we as women just accept the labels given to us. Lastly, I strongly believe that we ladies, place far too much into our looks. Should it not be about our personality?
I will say it again, cause I have a few times over the last few months. The generation that is coming up behind us will have a horrible time with comparison between themselves & the rich & famous. The idolization will likely have a detrimental outcome with women as they come to realize that 'real' women do not look like the social media or famous people they have placed on a pedestal. When our age group (40+) were growing up, influences were not readily available to our hands as they are now. Not that hasn't affected us either as we were raised by the boomer generation & that generation was not about building healthy self images. However one thing we at our age or older do know is that real women do not look like the ones on our TV's or Movies. They are hot & we are cute which almost means sub-par compared to these people we have idolized. Demeaning!
Cute was established as a semi-compliment.
How many times have you sat with a group of guys & they talk about the 'HOT' girl?
I get that we all have our own eye candy that we think about, but has anyone ever realized that we know that those guys are not describing us. We then place ourselves in a lower term as due to the conversion around us. That would be just 'Cute'. And referring to our own lady eye candy; when was the last time you called your man Cute? They get the same term that we use for our drooling famous guys we adore. I call mine handsome or good looking or even sexy, which are the terms I use for say....Chris Hemsworth (who I think is a great looking guy). So how is that even fair? I just settled on being the cute girl. I never have strived for 'hot'. I have just accepted it as everyone else who has been labeled cute & that when I am with a bunch of guys, I am not the HOT one!
Have you done this too?
As women we normally just accept the roles we are given & the titles that come with it. However when it comes to looks, I may not be strutting down a runway at size 0, but I am sitting here writing this in my comfy size 8 clothes with my hair not done & I am just equally as worthy as that model.
Here is the catcher to this all.
Just as my friend above, we have loads of personality & if you know either one of us, you would know that this is the draw to be around us. I can be exuberantly happy & fun. My friend is down right self assured in her own quirks. As I think of my crew of ladies I realize that I do not think of them on how they look. I know them as the personality that they own. I have crazy bold friends like me. I have calm & thoughtful friends, maybe not quite like me. They are not 'hot' nor 'cute', they are them & the personality they own. I would rather be known for being crazy & bold than 'cute' or 'hot'. I am not the person I am without the personality that makes me.
I have a good male friend that reads this blog often & we were chatting the other day about branding & such. He gave a descriptor of who I am; "relentless optimism and enthusiasm. You light up the fucking room every time you enter one." Yes! This is what I want people! I want to be known as a happy, supportive, loving person. Not some 'cute' or 'hot' babe. There is no reason to ever use those words to make anyone feel amazing. There are so many other words you can use to describe how a woman looks.
As my friend & I talked about all of this that night during dinner I realized I had to write about what we were saying. I really had never put much thought into how one word can set you apart from others. You, me us as women need to make sure that we are using the right words to build & hold each other up. I told my friend over our chicken dinner, that she was not cute, but absolutely beautiful from the inside out.
Use the word cute when your pet is doing something adorable.
Use the word cute for the outfit you are wearing.
Use the word cute for the craft you have made.
Use beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, stunning, glowing, dazzling, spectacular, to describe the women in your world.
Create a world for you & your circle that has words of empowerment.
Ps. Why is a button cute?
I ain't no Button & nor are you!