Coffee in one Hand; Confidence in the Other ~ You, Me, Us as Women: Don't be the Judge

I am so very guilty of this one.

I maybe do it so often that I cannot even recognize that I am doing it.


Driving down the road & there is a lady that is running. I either take note of her clothes, her body, her style of running or even how she is breathing.

When I say I take note, I really am judging one of those descriptors above.

I totally, 100% do this.


I used to go to the Calgary Stampede when I was a young adult, & do the exact same thing. I just sat there & people watched all while my friends & I were laughing at these people & how they were dressed.


I can tell you that this was not taught behavior but a learned one.

This is something I came up on my own with as a teen & even going back as far as a pre-teen.

My mother was never verbal about judging anyone (well minus me as an adult), but she was very, very good at keeping her thoughts about other people to herself. She was not that person that was like 'Oh My, did you see what that person was wearing.'

However, even though she did not verbally contribute to my self-esteem woes back then, she did in other ways that made me more & more envious of what people have & what I do not.

I think that this is where all the judging for me starts from.


My mother never built us up, or made us feel confident in our own skin. In fact as I say this, there really was never a time that I recall her telling me I was beautiful. So in return, I remember judging people I went to school with for having all the things I wanted & was not allowed to have. (Side note: My mother was really against having her children be a part of the trends. So no name brand clothes, no name brand book bag. But thank goodness, I was eventually able to pick my own hair style.) So basically this was all derivative from envy & jealousy. I had a lot of it!


Unfortunately, after I left my parents home & pursued life on my own, I did not change that behavior. I made it into a horrible habit. I became less envious, & more about tearing down others. My confidence may have grown, but my mental ability to award others for their good fortunes was still in its infancy.


I have become more & more aware of what I am doing & how I think.

Why should I think anything if a woman wants to wear a string bikini?

Why should I think anything if someone who is plus size is running?

Why should I think anything if a man is wearing socks with sandals?

I shouldn't.


Chances are that the lady wearing the string bikini is already feeling self conscious that she doesn't need me to shame her, even if I don't say anything out loud.


Anyone who wants to achieve running no matter the size of their body, good on you as I have done it too & I know how difficult it is. I should be cheering them on in my thoughts.


If socks & sandals are your thing! Then do it, cause I have no right to think anything different about what fashion statement you are trying to make. If you feel comfortable, then go with it.


Basically what I am trying to say here Ladies.... is that we are all guilty of this & instead of pulling apart our community of females, we should be embracing our uniqueness.

I know that this will all be a new way of thinking, but whatever it comes from whether it be envy or just that you think you are better than others; YOU ARE NOT!


A few years ago I was an Operations Manager at Clinic & there was this gorgeous young lady who had (& has) a great little body, a great head on her shoulders, & is driven. I can tell you with her I was jealous & judgy. She made me so very insecure & the best way I could cope with it was to judge her. Here is the thing though, as we got to know each other more & more, I realized that she had some similar demons as to my own. We became friends, & I eventually figured out my role & regained my personal confidence.

Why did I allow that to happen? I am 20 years older than her. It should have never even been an issue. However, it was all from feeling out of my comfort zone & I needed to re-evaluate my thought process.

It was then that I realized that I do this often & that I have to be grateful for what I have & not to be intimidated by what I think that she or other people have.


Do you do this?

Do you in your mind put down the woman in front of you at the grocery store because she is different from you?

Do you put down your friends internally if they got something that you desire to have?

Do you create a world where there are no positive thoughts that encourage others?


This rebirth of how you think is all created in you, me, us as women.

Try it!

Do not think about how that person is different from you but champion them on to be who they are.

Create a community of strong women that embrace everyone.

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