This one is no secret nor is it a surprise.
Got your coffee?
All the women in the world will understand what I am saying when I write this; 'You will put others before yourself'.
It doesn't matter if you have children, a spouse, friends, family, they will at one point or another be placed before you.
I have 3 wonderful kids, & I can't even tell you that their needs almost always outweigh mine. When they were young it was about giving them what they needed.
They were hungry, I waited to eat.
They fell, I soothed even if I needed something at that time too.
They needed school work help, I paused my evening.
They needed clothes, I didn't get any.
The list goes on & on.
I know that as their mother this is how it is supposed to be, but maybe if we stopped for a second & indulged ourselves we would be able to put Me before You!
As a parent you strive to do the best & give your children the best possible life, even better than yours. But did we forget somewhere to take care of us! We have! Placing them on a pedestal we do not always tend to our needs or desires. I got lost in my life but making my 3 kids the center of my happiness. They were all before me!
Things change, they get older, their needs are different & they leave home. Their dependence on me is vastly different than it once was. So this is where I realized that they were the You Before Me.
I didn't do it wrong per say, but I certainly could have done it differently. I forgot Me!
The spouse is always a touchy subject.
I also did for him as I did for my children.
His needs were met always before mine. He did not ask of this from me; I just did it.
I suffered from the Your Before Me in the worst way with him.
I made his dinner every night.
I allowed him quiet in the house when he slept.
I gave him the shower before me, even if I needed it.
As we are both adults, I gave him the allowance of being in front of me.
A repercussion of this is that he still expects this of me.
I should state that this isn't always the case & that in many situations he gives me the benefit of being the leader. But the fall out is still there. I have many times brought up the fact that I would like to move to another city. I wouldn't say that I Love my hometown anymore. To this he has dismissed me & has stated he is not going anywhere. There is also the potential of me finding employment in another city, to which his reply is the same. However, knowing who I am & the relationship I have created, if the tables were reversed it would not be the same. I would go! I certainly had done this to myself with the You Before Me.
Lucky for us, we have not had to cross the bridge of employment as of yet.
For so many years, I placed my worth in the friends in my inner circle. I allowed them to make me feel important. This was again all my doing. I was all about You Before Me!
They needed me, I was there.
I guess when it comes to all relationships it should be a give & take, but in my case there was a whole lot of take & not a lot of give. I am lucky to have realized what these friendships were & have over time extinguished them.
It wasn't easy, but it was done.
There was one, that was always about her. She needed me all the time. In fact she started to create my other friendships to make it about her too. It was a long friendship & many years of calls over being distraught in her life. I allowed her to treat other people poorly without saying anything. I allowed her to dominate my life. She was absolutely before me! But slowly I acknowledged that I had to start saying no, or how something was inappropriate, & the friendship fizzled out.
These people will find the type of relationships that they need in their lives.
Took me time, but it is now a give & take. You Before Me & Me Before You! Both ways.
There were years in all the facets of relationships above that took me a drain on me.
Here is the thing though!
I now don't forget about my needs & desires.
I stand up for what I want to achieve.
So ladies, do you do this?
Have you forgotten what it is like to get dressed up & go out with friends?
Have you allowed the kids to over run your day?
Are you so giving that your husband can do anything he likes or wishes?
We need to make the metal change from You Before Me to Me Before You!
It doesn't need to be a complete change where you all of a sudden become a self centered person. What I am trying to say is that you matter too.
The kids, spouse, friends & family can take their turn in the wings as you try & do something for you!
Create a moment for your needs.
Grow from your experiences.
And Never Ever allow someone to be Before YOU!