Therapy helped me A LOT!
My therapist is the type of person that challenged me to get out of my funk with all sorts of tasks & homework.
One of her items was something that when she 1st suggested I internally shook my head with a 'NO WAY'. With almost all of her suggestions, I left thinking that I was not interested in doing these. However, the mind is a funny thing & after I left & stubbornly refused to do these 'items', I began to reevaluate what she was asking me to do. The brain in me, was like 'What do you have to lose?'
I was already in a battle & couldn't see any way out, so what harm was going to come to me by doing this?
So it began!
This task was a grateful journal.
She had asked me to write down 3 things that I was grateful for everyday until our next appointment a month later.
I was in such a state of despair that for me, it was a very tiring process. I could not get past my sadness to find happiness in anything. I had to put A LOT of thought into what I was grateful for each & every morning.
I would even find myself in bed the night before starting to stress out about what I had to come up with the next morning.
This truly reflects the place I was in during this time.
I was lost.
I choose the mornings to do the grateful journal because it is the best part of the day.
For those of you that really know me, I am a morning person through & through. So why not do it before my thoughts get tainted with my sorrows.
Also the other reason was that I was alone & I did not have to explain it to anyone what I was doing & or why.
I did not want to share it.
I did not want to admit anything.
The hardest part was finding things that I was grateful for.
Things I found value in.
I will be super honest in saying that Starbucks & the Sun were written many, many times.
I wasn't even able to be content with my family, house, faith, friends or even simple day to day tasks that I truly love.
This is likely one of the most difficult things I have ever done.
As I have mentioned before, self reflection is one of the hardest things to do. You have no choice but to admit all the stuff that has happened to you. These events of your life have brought you here, & now we have to dwell on them. Process them & try to figure out why you are in this spot of loneliness while you are surrounded by loved ones.
So here I am every morning writing down 3 things I am grateful for.
I will admit that the majority of these entries were shallow & had no substance.
As I look back at them now, I realize the solitude I felt.
There are a few times I mentioned my cat, or a friend or a child.
But there was nothing about my life, or the world around me.
Volleyball - cause it got me out of my house
Cat - cause he was cute
Starbucks - cause I had to leave the house for it
Sun - cause when it shines, I am a smidge more happy
Football - cause it meant I was again out of the house & my mind
All of these were at the top of the list.
It was all a struggle to find something of value.
I will not lie, I still struggle.
I achieved writing them down for 3 months, & eventually I converted to doing it in my mind.
I in fact still do this.
It was a great habit to create.
This made me realize that in order to live a happy life, you have to have a sense of thankfulness.
There will only be sorrow if you do not acknowledge the things in life that have got you here.
This is where I tell you that I realized something as I was writing this.
I need to also be grateful for the moments that were a hurdle.
I can not learn or move forward without acknowledging the trivializing times in my life.
I need to be grateful for these moments too.
It is of course harder to see the light when there is so much fog.
Knowing I came through the fog, makes me grateful that I have seen & are basking in the light.
What am I grateful for in this past spell of depression?
I am grateful for this: Just Another Manic Funday
I always thought I wasn't good enough to write my thoughts or share them.
This has become part of my therapy & I am if nothing GRATEFUL.
All of life has lessons.
Good, Bad & Ugly!
This is not new news to anyone, but it is important for us all to be reminded.
It is a lesson that I learn over & over again.
So here is my challenge for all of you!
Try every day to be grateful for 1 thing every day!
Or even start your own journal.
It is amazing to know that there is more to life than just living; Being Thankful.