If You Are Not Changing It ~ You Are Choosing It.

Indulging to where I have been lately (not on here writing to all of you) & why this one sentence was an ah-ha moment.


I was all in! Completely committed to this blog & spending my time writing. I knew this is what I was supposed to be doing with my life. I loved it, felt nourished... but then....I made a choice to NOT write & from there was just a spiral downward.


I follow this amazing group of young ladies on Instagram, Soul.aia is their handle. They cover all sorts of things like energy medication, self-care, make up (clean products), & much, much more. I know some of the gals who run this business in Calgary & I enjoy seeing their insight, hints & indeed their successes. They have many motivating stories & energy that helps build individuals.

You should check them out!


But this whole blog is about one of their single posts that got to me.....


Indulging to where I have mentally been lately (not on here) & why this one sentance was an ah-ha moment.


I was struggling with motivation to write.

I was stressed with finances.

I was pleading with my higher power to find me a purpose or to show me my path in life.

I was not changing, I was choosing.


Choosing to live stagnant & the dwelling over overcome.


I have always thought that I was a bit of a lost soul.

I have dabbled in many things over the years, only to never commit to them or to even talk myself out of them. This blog was headed into the same space of all the other failed attempts.

Some people would say it is because I am lazy or have following through issues. Yes to both of these. I also know I suffer from both having no feeling of desire to succeed & the fact that life 'owes' me. In fact I wait almost everyday for 'it' (whatever it may be) to fall on my lap.


To be perfectly honest, I can talk myself out of anything & that is where the majority of the problem lies. Besides wanting everything with little to no work for it (hence the lazy).


I did Event Management many moons ago, but I decided after one wedding it wasn't worth the heartache of being away from my children on weekends & dealing with other families & their issues.

I did Make-up artistry & I was pumped about that one, but when I was hired by a major Make-up company as a 'stock girl' & not as an artist, it was a dream that was dashed & I gave up.

Then there is my blog.

Well I started off keen & guns blazing but the reality was I began to talk myself out of it.

Who cares to read about my boring life?

No one has asked why there is nothing current on the blog. In fact other than a handful of people no one really cares at all. So in my mind it was just not worth it anymore. That is what I began to choose to believe & so therefore it was easy to follow my life routine of reverting back to what I did before. Expect everything with no effort to get there.


I saw the change last fall & it was a downward plight this past January.


Covid happens again.

Shutdown again.

Still no job to be found.

I know I should do what I have always loved & that is to write.

The motivation from last Spring to this year is drained & kiss the motivation gone.

It has been a negative outcome.

Life on the couch becomes more & more a draw.

No more working out.

No more watching what goes in my mouth.

No more but that couch.

I choose all of that over growing & changing.


I needed to know & hear that I was doing something wrong, that only I can make the changes.

The one who controls my happiness & achievement is me?!


It was one line..... One sentence that controlled the narrative of removing the funk.

It went like this; "If you aren't changing it, you are choosing it."

All I could think as I replayed it over & over again on Soul.aia's Instagram was that they were right.

I was choosing a negative path & instead of making the changes of positivity. I was allowing the pessimistic voices to take over.


"If you aren't changing it, you are choosing it."

I needed this. Like a prayer being answered.


You know how hard it is to change something?

I think the majority of us get stuck in a rut & just either accept the rut or do not know where to start in changing it. That rut is my nemesis & I know that this lost soul will struggle with it for the rest of my life.

But I can try to change it.


When did life get so complicated?

Or why does it have to be so difficult?


"If you aren't changing it, you are choosing it."


Apply it to my life.

I have lacked the ability to change it.

Lack of ambition to change what I see is wrong.

Lack of strength to move forward.

Lack of ability to hear the positive over the negative.

Lack of making forward motion changes instead of choosing the pattern of the present.


Does anyone else do this?


"If you aren't changing it, you are choosing it."


There are many reasons I am stuck in the rut over choosing to get out.

There are many reasons why I think I am a lost soul.

There are also many things that I think about often & realize that I have the strength to change what I cannot change, but don't have the wisdom to know my direction.


I watch all sorts of people in their lives & think 'how do they know who they are meant to be?'.

I am literally always confused at how someone has happiness. All from their roles in life. Everyday people. They know their route that was laid out before them.

How do they find gratitude, fulfillment & accomplishment? Always in amazement that these people just know & are where they are supposed to be.

There is this wonderful husband & wife I know & he works for a NHL team. He just has the vibe of this is who I am & this is what I am meant to do. Never mind that they are the nicest, compassionate humans ever, which of course just adds to the delight to be near them both. Not to say that they have not had trials & tribulations, but they just seem to hold their faith & come through with happiness, graciousness & a knowing acceptance of who they are & what they are supposed to be in life.


I think I lack this.


That deep burning passion of the person or career path I am supposed to be lurks in the back of my mind. What do I want to do? How do I get there? I am still not sure what to do with the rest of my life that gives me both happiness & monetary success. Lack the ability to make the decisions to get there.

Move-stay?

Work-write?

My friends above have most of their life figured out. This is what I mean? They love their jobs, they adore their home.

I am confident in saying that it is never really enough for me. But that may be because I am a lost soul who lacks the direction to move forward.

Do not get me wrong in the sense that I am not a lost soul when it comes to the personality traits of me. I am sympathetic, loving, ever forgiving, & accepting, & this I know is who I am.

I just cannot find the place to get to my end goal. What is my goal even??


There are also those people who can accept to live to work & then there are those who acknowledge that they want to work to live. I want to enjoy life & have the best job that allows me to live the life I desire to have. Right now though, I am looking for a job that I have to live to work.

Not sure how this is going to be beneficial for me, but I either need to change it or choose it.


I struggle with even applying for jobs that I know I don't want as I will be stuck in a world I don't want to belong to. I can tell you that I know I am not made for that. But if I have to, I will choose it.


"If you aren't changing it, you are choosing it."


Stop choosing the life of un-accomplishment & move towards realizing the attainable. Success isn't money, or job status. It is the choices that are made to better anyone as a whole. Triumph is a healthy life in all facets.


This is one of those blogs that could go on & on. But I think I need to stop the banter & the dawn of my personal realization.


I have made some choices towards changes that I can control.


"If you aren't changing it, you are choosing it."


1st: a 4 day challenge for my mental & physical health. With a blog to follow.

2nd: a community of finding financial freedom, with again a blog to follow that too.

3rd: write a little more from the odd mind of me!

& 4th: regain my daily devotional time. Blog not to follow, this is just for me.


"If you aren't changing it, you are choosing it."


I am choosing to change.


What do you need to choose to change?

What can you do to make it better?


Start now, cause my friends...one life!


Thank you to my friends at Soul.aia for that one poignant moment I needed.


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#choosetochange

#forwardprogress





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