This is really about nothing or about next to nothing.
I am in the midst of keeping myself busy so I don't have the fall sads this year.
Doing some house updates!
Looking for a job!
And of course writing.
Here is the thing though.
I feel like I have lots to do, but also don't want to do it.
Is that weird?
I think that it is so important that I keep my body on the go. However, at some point that is going to be complete & then what? I am back to the point I was last year or the year before.
Mental issues are not something that we can just push to the waist side & deal with later & to be totally honest I think that is what I am doing. I decided to keep them at bay by running around & keeping myself super preoccupied.
I get up, get ready & then take my youngest to school when he needs the ride.
I then come home & write, or do some everyday household chores, then work out.
Lately I have thrown in some house updates.
Then dinner, & other errands I need to do.
Of course then it is Netflix time.
Then bed & I do it all over again.
The house updates will be in another post shortly, but that honestly takes up so much of my day, I am now realizing that they will end & I will be back to where I was again with little to do.
I have always enjoyed being busy, I find it very gratifying.
Even though it was likely the most stressful job I had, working at the Sports Therapy Clinic was also the most mentally rewarding. I loved how it was a steady go for my day there. I also did not enjoy some of the stress of the place, but running the place was very, very satisfying for my mind.
I also enjoyed volunteering for my daughters' High School Marching Band. It was incredibly time consuming, but I was always doing something & keeping myself going with all the moving parts.
But those days don't exist for me anymore & I know I have to rectify my issues.
I want to be busy, but I also do not want to do any of it.
I know this sounds so odd, but there is just something about someone else doing it for me, so I can do nothing.
Recently we were at a friend's place for a night & we were talking about people who take advantage of situations. There was a look between our friends (husband & wife) which I caught. I immediately thought the look was about me. As I do nothing like a job, & maybe I am perceived as taking advantage of situations because of this. But then I acknowledged that although it may be their assumption that I am like this, I try every week to get a job. I write to hopefully get something that will get me the chance to do this love of mine as a career.
However, they are not off the mark either. I do want to sit around & not do some of the stuff that I have to do.
My Mother often said to me ‘Get off you High Horse’. Maybe she is right in saying that. I have always wanted a silver spoon, but in the same breath, I don't. If we won the lottery tomorrow, would we change the whole being of our life? No, I think I would still write, I would find other things to stress about, & I would be essentially in the same place.
So to do or not to do is the question.
It is Just Another Day of being a little retrospective & wondering if there is a way to combat all of my personal woes.
Tell me, how do you heal?
How do you cope?
Everyone has a tool or mechanism that they use to cope with their sads.
What is yours?
I have a smile today, it isn't a bad day, just worried about the future cold months & how am I ever going to figure out how to handle all of my headspace.
It is Just Another Day. No Manic around here.