Where is Karen?

Kinda like Waldo!!


You may have been wondering where I have been?

Over a month of silence & what could I be doing that has kept you all craving some Karen time?

Let me tell you why there hasn't been much as of lately.

I have been struggling with my brain versus my heart over if this is even worth doing.

I mean who really wants to read my 'poor me' or 'what I have learned' posts over & over again??

My Brain won!

Meaning that the doubt & despair aka my self worth came forefront on the battle. I don't necessarily think I am anything special for people to want to read.

So that is why there has been such a long break between then & now.....

Lets reaffirm that it wasn't that I wasn't writing cause honestly that is burned into my soul. I was working on a personal piece of fiction. Not sure if that will go anywhere or not, but I had to do something that was not 'ME' related.

So at least I was feeding my soul.

There has also been the fight with finding a job....UGH to say the least.

I really would like something that makes me extremely happy & pushes me to be a better person. So that also refrained me from writing more on here.

The circle of frustration.

Can’t find a job.

So I feel that I cannot even do that right.

Which equals that I don't want to write.

I am sure these are all excuses & I could have really pushed through this. But honestly when you have always had the internal battle about if what you are doing is even the right thing, then what do you do?? Struggle through & distance yourself until you find it again.

I also want to say that I have had to go over these crazy ass mounds of dwelling & ponder during this pandemic!

Do you know what I mean?

Is there life after all this shit?

Will there ever be a day that I get to see people & hug them? (the answer to this is yes cause I just was super lucky to have it).

But really folks, it is all about doing the same crap over & over again & seeing no end in sight.

So the brain won that war too!

Why do anything when I feel like a failure, & have no desire to write cause I can't do anything else?

So now that I have complained a whole bunch.... Here is what I realized & learned.

If you don't know me this is for you!

I am super social & being with people makes me feel a sense of belonging. It is just who I am. So when May & June happened & all of a sudden I have people around me again (explanation in the next post) I could feel my heart finally winning over my mind.

Crazy how that works!!

I know who I am. I know my battles. But sometimes I forget what I need to be the best person I am supposed to be. My heart knows, but the mind is logical & full of doubt. So if I remember what I desire in life then I can allow the heart to take over.

I guess what I am basically saying is that the world events with Covid have affected us all. I realized that the adventure in which this blog was based on was missing & with all the changes in the next few days & weeks that are coming I will be BACK!

More adventure, less wallowing & a smile with some laughter all the way.

Even in the thick of the struggle it truly is the heart that should win your argument not the mind. Self doubt will only destroy the person you are meant to be.

Believe in you.

Face your struggles.

& Accept the person you were made to be.





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